Books on marriage

In just over two weeks time, Kat and I will be married! Lots of people have asked us what books on marriage we have been reading, and so I thought I’d post some brief thoughts accompanying those we found particularly helpful.

 

Married for God by Christopher Ash

Married for God was recommended to us before we decided to to get engaged by our friend Shane, whose encouragement of our relationship we have always found valuable. 

Easily the best feature of Married for God is its focus on the Bible, a focus sadly lacking in many Christian books on marriage. Ash however, equips his readers with a helpful framework in which to develop a sound theology of marriage and the purpose of sex by exploring the major biblical passages relevant to such discussions. Ash’s treatment of these is fast-paced, his writing crisp, and his approach thoroughly God-centered rather than man-centered. If you read only one book on marriage, let this be the one.

 

The Marriage Builder by Larry Crabb

As with Crabb’s other titles, The Marriage Builder takes a deeply cognitive approach based on his theories of psychological needs. For this reason, The Marriage Builder isn’t for everyone, but those who choose to read it will benefit greatly from Crabb’s insights. Chapter 3 alone, titled “Manipulation or Ministry?” will convict readers of their self-serving approach to relationships and inspire genuine pursuit of true other-person-centredness. The book also contains good practical discussions on communication, sexuality, grace, commitment and acceptance. It requires a slow and careful reading accompanied by honest personal reflection, but contains some of the most profound insights into relationships I have encountered.

 

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? 

Such is the philosophy of Sacred Marriage, in which Thomas sets on convincing his readers that everything about their marriage holds enormous potential for both discovering and revealing more of God’s commitment to his people. The book is a warm and engaging journey through several practical applications exploring important themes such as respect, forgiveness, perseverance and servanthood. Having said this, the journey could have been much shorter if there weren’t so many stories, illustrations and examples; there is a lot of padding in the book, but I suspect most readers will find these elements only help to make the big insights contained within Sacred Marriage all the more accessible.

More to come…

An encouraging resignation letter

I am deeply saddened when I hear stories of those whose marriages have been sacrificed on the altar of Christian ministry. Such stories are all too common. Imagine my delight then, upon discovering the resignation letter of Robertson McQuilkin, who in 1990, retired from presidency of Columbia Bible College to care for his wife Muriel, who suffered from Alzheimer’s disease.

My dear wife, Muriel, has been in failing mental health for about eight years. So far I have been able to carry both her ever-growing needs and my leadership responsibilites at CBC. But recently it has become apparent that Muriel is contented most of the time she is with me and almost none of the time I am away from her. It is not just “discontent”. She is filled with fear - even terror - that she has lost me and always goes in search of me when I leave home. Then she may be full of anger when she cannot get to me. So it is clear to me that she needs me now, full-time. Perhaps it would help you to understand if I shared with you what I shared at the time of the announcement of my resignation in chapel. The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel “in sickness and in health…til death do us part.” So, as I told the students and faculty, as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of debt. Duty, however, can be grim and stoic. But there is more; I love Muriel. She is a delight to me - her childlike dependence and confidence in me, her warm love, occasional flashes of that wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough relisience in the face of her continual distressing frustration. I do not have to care for her, I get to! It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person.

from R. Kent Hughes’ Disciplines of a Godly Man (Wheaton: Crossway, 2001), 33

Isaiah’s Servant Messiah

I have recently completed a subject at college called OT227, which is an exegetical and thematic survey of the book of Isaiah. (Just did the final exam this morning!) As part of my assessment for this subject, I elected to create a graphical representation of a main theme in Isaiah and present it to the class, along with selected relevant exegetical workings and a report showing a clear understanding of the structure and themes of Isaiah that explained how the artwork represents this. Here is my finished work, a watercolour painting…

Some brief comments In the first half of Isaiah (1-39), there is a lot of mention of the Messiah, the great promised Davidic king. Passages such as chapter 11 and 9:2-7 proclaim the coming of this king, who is described in such victorious language it seems that when he arrives, nothing will stand in his way! But then in the second half of the book (40-66), this messianic king is replaced by a figure called the Servant of the Lord, who seems almost the opposite: weak, rejected, a “suffering servant” (50:4-9, 52:13-53:12).

So what’s the deal? Will God’s promises be fulfilled by two figures: one mighty, messianic king and one weak, suffering servant? Of course, we know that there is only one figure, for Jesus is the fulfilment of both the Messiah and the Suffering Servant! Nevertheless, it is important to recognise this tension in Isaiah and for its original readers. In doing so, we may just find ourselves understanding Jesus better!

Faith and reason in LOST

Another season of LOST came to a close in a thrilling finale on Thursday night, and with the next scheduled to begin in 2009, it looks as though it will be another long wait before we find out what happens to the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815!

This recent season saw the survivors divide into two camps: those for whom rescue was still top priority, and those committed to staying on the island. This split gave solidification to the bitter rivalry that has been present throughout the series between Jack Shepherd and John Locke, a rivalry that has on several occasions, been exposed to be at its core, a clash of opposing world views: Locke the man of faith, versus Jack the man of science, or reason. 

Having experienced the island’s mysterious healing powers firsthand, Locke’s growing belief that each of the passengers were brought to the island for a purpose has seen him grow in desperation to remain on it, even to the point of sabotaging any potential for rescue, much to Jack’s chagrin. To Locke, the island is “a place where miracles happen”, and in a heated confrontation in this season’s finale, he appeals with Jack not to leave, as he is “not supposed to.” But Jack has never believed in destiny, nor ever been interested in the island’s mysterious qualities. He continues in his steadfast commitment to getting everyone off the island, and angrily tells Locke that “there’s no such thing as miracles.”

As human beings, we have a history of pitting faith against reason. After all, it is easier to subscribe to one and exclude the other.

Such was the case during the Enlightenment, an age of great skepticism about religion with many philosophers attacking Christianity arguing that belief was blind faith not based at all on reason. Some within the church responded by modifying aspects of Christianity in attempts to make it more credible, sometimes even editing the accounts of the miracles out of the Bible, while others resorted to empiricism, a movement which claimed faith is based on revelation not reason, and that all knowledge is gained through experience. (Interestingly enough, this movement was led by an English philosopher by the name of John Locke!)

Faith and reason must not be pulled apart like this! For faith can be reasonable, just as reason can (and often does) involve faith. If only Jack and Locke could realise this, perhaps they might be able to work together for the common good! But as it is, each remains a caricature of everything the other stands against. What will happen? Once again, we’ll have to wait to find out…

I have posted previously on LOST here. For those interested, Mark Hadley (Kat’s boss at Anglican Media!) has also shared some valuable reflections on LOST Season 4 here.

Slammin Wars

Here’s a video exposing what really goes on at St Albans, once the evening congregation has left!

*This clip was made by Tom Judd for a social event our church’s evening congregation put on in 2007 titled, “S.L.A.M.M.I.N.”

Food for thought…

How do you slice your pie? 

Jesus’ extraordinary insight

“You’ve had five husbands and the man you’re sleeping with now is not your husband.”

Such were Jesus’ words to an astonished Samaritan woman in John 4:1-26. But having never met this woman before, how did Jesus know this?

A popular angle is to explain Jesus’ apparent “ESP” by ascribing it to his divinity. He was the Son of God, of course he knew! But perhaps Jesus knew, not because of his divinity, but because of his perfect humanity.

Jesus after all, was the perfect human being and had no inhibitions from being fallen as we are. This may sound strange, but could it be that Jesus, as the perfect human being, attained levels of insight we fallen human beings are incapable of?

If so, perhaps this would also explain how Jesus, at age 12, was able to amaze teachers in the temple with his understanding in Luke 2:41-52. Not that he exercised divine knowledge, but that as the perfect human being Jesus had extraordinary insight into the Scriptures never to be attained by fallen human beings such as you and I.

Iron Man

I must admit, Iron Man was never one of my favourite superheroes growing up. Rather, the Amazing Spider-Man, the Uncanny X-Men, Spawn - these were the comics I would spend my allowance on! But with top notch acting from Robert Downey Jr, Gwyneth Paltrow and Jeff Bridges, amazing CG visual effects and a captivating storyline (with an interesting subtext of condemning the US arms industry mind you), the silver screen adaptation of Iron Man is by far, worth checking out ahead of the previously mentioned titles’ less than impressive cinematic counterparts.

The story begins in Afghanistan with the capture of billionaire playboy Tony Stark, who is also the head of Stark Industries, a weapons manufacturing company. During his imprisonment, Stark makes the unfortunate discovery that his company has been selling out the free world by supplying many a bad guy with the latest weapons technology, including his captors. This realisation weighs heavily on Stark, who escapes in an iron suit, and thereon decides to change business as usual for Stark Industries by disarming the trouble spots of the world in another, updated iron suit.

Like Spider-Man, whose unwitting hand in the death of his uncle inspired him use his powers responsibly, so too Stark’s heroics are his personal quest for redemption from past errings. The question is, just how many of the company’s wrongs will he have to right in order to obtain it?

As Christians, we know that no volume of good works could ever merit salvation. Instead, we believe in one who fully achieved it in our place. For Stark, the death of a friend early on in the film may have galvanised his quest for redemption, but for Christians, the death of the Son of God ended ours. In Him, we have been given salvation. Unlike Stark, we do nothing for it, and we give nothing for it. We only receive it.

In 100 words or less…

Testimonies are powerful tools for personal evangelism. In my experience, opportunities to share our stories may be plentiful, but opportunities to share them at length are rare. Recently, for my evangelism class at college, we had to write our testimony in a hundred words or less. It was an exercise in brevity to say the least! Here are my efforts, clocking in at exactly 94 words…

Ever since I was born, my two loving parents have always taught me to live for Jesus. At high school however, I began having doubts as to whether this life was really worth living, and things such as the acceptance of others eventually led me to reject Jesus in my thoughts and actions. At university, someone began reading the Bible with me and I began to see who Jesus really was: the risen Lord of all! Now I no longer live for myself or the acceptance of others, but Him who died for me.

I’d love to hear others’ stories in this format, and so I tag Andrew, Doug, Jumbo, Mike, Peter, Red and Tim to share theirs. If you would also like to have a go, please do so in a comment below but remember the rules: a hundred words or less!

Gollum and sin

Today, Kat and I listened to a talk by Steve Chong on Romans 6:15-23. This clip from the Lord of the Rings trilogy was used:

Gollum? Or Smeagol? Either way this tortured creature is a slave. The question is, whose slave is he? Who is his master?

As a Christian, I’ve found that life can often bear an uncanny resemblence to the struggle of Gollum/Smeagol. Whose slave am I? Who is my master? Satan often attempts to convince me that it’s sin. But Christians have been set free from slavery to sin, and have now become slaves to God (v22). He is my master!

And so when sin threatens to make us doubt this, we need to respond as Smeagol did. He struggled, but he knew who he was. He knew that he had a good master. Let his final words to Gollum be ours to sin: ”Leave here and never come back. Leave here and never come back. Leave here and never come back!!“